http://haruharaharuko.afbb.ru/ [Anime no matsuei] ru-ru Mon, 01 Jan 2024 02:51:19 +0300 MyBB/mybb.ru http://haruharaharuko.afbb.ru/viewtopic.php?pid=6#p6 <p><span style="display: block; text-align: center"><strong><span style="font-size: 24px">Профессиональные услуги клининга</span></strong></span>&#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; 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&#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160;<span style="font-size: 16px"><span style="display: block; text-align: center">Профессиональные услуги клининга: уборка после ремонта, генеральная, поддерживающая, химчистка мягкой мебели, удаление жировых отложений на кухне парогенератором, мытье окон + альпинист и многое другое. Мы также предлагаем ЭКО-чистку детских игрушек, колясок, комнат и различных предметов. Заказ по тел. +7 915 204 1047 Наш канал: t.me/wwcleaning Москва и Московская область</span></span>&#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; 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Он жалобно просит:<br />- Сестра! Может, в реанимацию заедем?<br />Шизуне строго:<br />- Цунаде – сама сказала в морг, значит в морг!</p> <p>Какаши попал в плен к звуковикам. Пытали его, пытали, но так ничего и не добились. Бросили его в камеру, а сами в глазок подсматривают. Видят, стоит он на четвереньках и бьётся головой об стену:<br />- Проклятый склероз! Ведь так и убить могут!..</p> <p>Лидер Акацуки нанёс мощный удар миру…и сломал таки глобус!</p> <p>Идёт Третий Хокаге по улице, а за ним Король обезьян на поводке. 3-й (на всю улицу):<br />- Фотографии с обезьянкой1Подходим! Фотографируемся!!! Не стесняемся! Фото с обезьянкой!!</p> <p>Эх, люблю я чуунинский экзамен! Можно начистить морду одноклассникам, которые тебя в академии дразнили, а тебе за это и ранг повышают.</p> <p>Что же у Конохи было гербом раньше, если ЭТО пришлось ЛИСТОМ прикрывать?!</p> <p>Малоизвестные клички героев Наруто:<br />Наруто – ксерокс<br />Какаши – Копир<br />Нейджи – Рентген (или УЗИ)<br />Гаара – соковыжималка</p> <p>Нара – это образ жизни, Яманако – это образ мышления, Учиха – это диагноз, Хьюга – это судьба, Хокаге – способ умереть.</p> <p>Сидят в тюремной камере Джирайя и Орочимару. Джирайя:<br />- Была бы муха – и ту бы изнасиловал…<br />Орочимару:<br />- Ж-ж-ж-ж-ж…</p> <p>Все ниндзя делятся на две группы: одни думают, что Орочимару можно победить. Другие уже слышали, как он поёт под караоке.</p> <p>Спяяят усталые шиноби, крепко спят…<br />Одеяла и подушки ждут ребят…<br />И акацки спать ложатся,<br />Чтобы ночью всем являться.<br />глазки закрывай, баааю бааай.<br />В сказке можно покататься на Змее;<br />И Джирайю навестить в монастыре.<br />С Цунаде саке напиться, <br />И с Итачи подружиться,<br />Глазки закрывай…баааю, баааай.</p> <p>Наруто – Саске:<br />Милый мой улёгся рядом, в спину мне упёрся взглядом. Всё учу его, дубину, чтоб не взглядом и не в спину!</p> <p>Итачи купает маленького Саске, а тот орёт. Микото заходит в ванную.<br />Микото: Что он у тебя орёт?<br />Итачи: да не знаю!<br />Микото: а что ты его за уши держишь?!<br />Итачи: Да вода руки жжёт!</p> <p>Маленький Саске заглядывает в комнату Итачи.<br />- Братишка, расскажи мне сказку на ночь?<br />- Тебе какую? Эротическую?<br />- Не, давай лучше страшную,… а то я в прошлый раз уснуть не мог.</p> <p>Маленький Саске бежит к Итачи с какашкой в руке.<br />- Нисан, нисан, смотри, я чуть не наступил!</p> <p>Какаши выступает на собрании дзенинов:<br />- Сейчас я научу вас делать коктейль «три поросёнка»: берём ящик пива и приглашаем свою команду…</p> <p>Наруто ушёл на год учиться с Джирайей. Приезжает, а Цунаде ему: <br />- Ну, показывай, чему научился.<br />Наруто напрягается, и стол сам взлетает к потолку.<br />- Не, Наруто, гонишь! А вот ты сделай, чтобы сейчас во двор выскочил голый Орочимару с гармошкой!<br />Наруто тужится, тужится – нет, не получается! расстроился, и снова на год учиться. Через год Цунаде к нему с той же просьбой. И опять ничего не выходит. Наруто опять уехал в печали. Приезжает ещё через год, и опять Цунаде:<br /> - Ну что, теперь сможешь?<br />Наруто напрягается, стоит так минут пять – вены на лбу вот-вот лопнут. Вдруг во двор выскакивает плачущий голый Орочимару с чугунным радиатором в руках:<br />- Ну нет у меня гармошки, нету!!!</p> <p>Стоял в Конохе дуб огромный<br />На нём Наруто отдыхал<br />Время от времени в прохожих <br />Кунаи метко он кидал.<br />Метнул он в Саске – <br />Вмиг свалился.<br />Метнул в Какаши –<br />ШАРИНГАН!!!!<br />И вот уже бежит по крышам <br />Светловолосый мальчуган.<br />Но добрая Хината спрячет – <br />Ведь влюблена в него давно.<br />А за окном сенсей маячит,<br />Ну а Наруто всё равно.<br />Наруто быстро улыбнулся<br />И вновь куда-то побежал.<br />Вновь встретил Саске.<br />Саске злится – <br />Нашаранганился опять.<br />Но вдруг Наруто превратился<br />В девчонку, но ему плевать.<br />Опять в бегах герой наш смелый.<br />Теперь три глаза-шаринган<br />Глядят направо и налево.<br />Где этот чёртов хулиган????<br />Решил Наруто найти место,<br />Где не найдут они его<br />И мысли пошлые конечно<br />Уж в голове его давно.<br />И прокричал он: «Секси Дзютсю!»<br />И девушка возникла вдруг<br />И гордо зашагала в баню – <br />Они там точно не найдут!<br />Но там Цунаде оказалась<br />И Сакура там с ней была.<br />Как долго обе матюкались,<br />Что разболелась голова!<br />Теперь за ним бежит весь город,<br />А женщины кричат: «Убей!»<br />Что, тяжело тебе, Наруто? <br />Ведь лёгких в жизни нет путей…</p> <p>Судят Итачи. Судья (грозно):<br />- Вы признаётесь, что зарубили своих бабушку и дедушку?<br />Итачи (тихо):<br />- Да.<br />Судья (ещё более грозно):<br />- Вы признаётесь, что зарубили своих маму и папу?<br />Итачи (ещё тише):<br />- Да.<br />Судья (в праведном негодовании):<br />- И кто вы после этого?!<br />Итачи (совсем тихо):<br />- Сиротиночка.</p> <p>Приходит Какаши домой, а его подружка ему с порога заявляет:<br />- Всё, ухожу от тебя.<br />- Почему??<br />- я узнала, что ты – педофил!<br />- Эй, не слишком ли умное слово для двенадцатилетней, а, Сакура?</p> <p>Коноха. Уже пара дней, как Саске ушёл к Орочимару. Звонок на радио (в трубке – голос Наруто):<br />- Передайте, пожалуйста, привет Учихе Саске от седьмой команды, и поставьте для него, пожалуйста, арию Иуды из «Иисуса Христа – суперзвезды».</p> <p>Итачи принял «на грудь» лишнего, ну, и ему ночью кошмар снится: Сцена, а на неё до омерзения кавайные маленькие Саске бегают и весело так кричат наперебой:<br />- Я водка – со мной на праздник чётко!<br />- Я салат – вашим лицам всегда рад!<br />- Я самогон – иду на обгон!<br />- Я горилка – мозгов дурилка!<br />- А я гашиш…я слова забыл.</p> <p>Примета от Ино: « Если ты опять поправилась на 5 кг, значит, эту диету тебе посоветовала лучшая подруга».</p> <p>Из историй о том, почему Какаши назвали именно Какашей. Представьте маленького Какаши. Вот его диалог с отцом:<br />- сынок, ты честный мальчик?<br />- Да, папа.<br />- А скажи по-честному, натворил чего-нибудь на этой неделе?<br />Сын потупившись:<br />- Да, я из банки съел всё варенье, а туда накакал.<br />Отец несколько секунд тупо смотрит в стену, а потом кричит жене:<br />- Я тебе говорил, что гавно, а ты «засахарилось, засахарилось!»</p> <p>Лежат в постели Сакура с Какаши. Какаши:<br />- Тебе лет-то сколько?<br />_ 13.<br />Так, встала, оделась и ушла!<br />- Ой-ей-ей, какие мы суеверные!</p> <p>Джирайя:<br />- А сейчас на подиум выйдет самая красивая девушка и представит нам лучший образец из новой коллекции «Купальник – 2008»<br />Выходит Сакура. Аплодисменты, свист, гвалт, восторженные возгласы…<br />Ли:<br />- Замечательно!<br />Нейджи:<br />- Браво!<br />Наруто:<br />- Вот это да!!!<br />Саске:<br />-…но где же купальник?</p> <p>Инструктор –Анко. Самолёт, высота, время прыгать.<br />Чоуджи:<br />- Высоты боюсь!<br />Анко:<br />- Пошёл!<br />Ли:<br />- Я болею!<br />Анко:<br />- Пошёл!<br />Шикамару:<br />- Лень прыгать!<br />Анко:<br />- Пошёл!!<br />Наруто:<br />_ А когда будут парашюты выдавать?<br />Анко выталкивая его ногой:<br />- Пошёл!!!</p> <p>В дверь Наруто стучатся Акацуки. Наруто:<br />- Хто тама?<br />Глава Акацук:<br />- Открывай, лисёныш!<br />Наруто:<br />- Ага, щааззз!<br />Встревает Кисаме:<br />- А ну открывай быстро!!!<br />Наруто:<br />- Мечтай, рыбья морда!<br />Тут Итачи спокойно выдаёт:<br />- Не боись, рамен отбирать не будем.<br />Наруто весело:<br />- Ну так бы сразу и сказали!(звук открываемой двери)</p> <p>Саске:<br />- Дяденька, какое у вас кимоно красивое! Какие на нём помидорчики, огурчики нарисованы!<br />Орочимару:<br />- Уйди, Учиха, не видишь, плохо мне… «…б-б…буээээээ…»</p> <p>Коноховские ниндзя лепят снеговика (бывает же такое!).<br />Сай: У него кое-чего не хватает.<br />Наруто: Я знаю. Сейчас принесу.<br />Сай: Неси две. Нос ему тоже из морковки сделаем.</p> <p>Саске (ехидно):<br />- Я видел, как ты вчера из гей-клуба выходил!<br />Наруто (ещё ехиднее):<br />- Я-то выходил, а ты чего остался?</p> <p>Сакура, Ино, Хината и Тентен договорились, что если Наруто скажет что-нибудь неприличное, то они дружно встают и выходят. Ирука спрашивает:<br />- Дети, а что у нас недавно произошло в Конохе?<br />Наруто:<br />- В Конохе построили публичный дом.<br />Девочки встали и пошли из класса. Наруто:<br />- Куда вы, дуры, он же ещё не открылся!</p> mybb@mybb.ru (HaRuko saN) Mon, 29 Jun 2009 14:19:01 +0400 http://haruharaharuko.afbb.ru/viewtopic.php?pid=5#p5 http://haruharaharuko.afbb.ru/viewtopic.php?pid=4#p4 <p>Ммм... так какое же аниме на ваш взгляд лучшее?)</p> mybb@mybb.ru (HaRuko saN) Mon, 29 Jun 2009 13:46:02 +0400 http://haruharaharuko.afbb.ru/viewtopic.php?pid=4#p4 http://haruharaharuko.afbb.ru/viewtopic.php?pid=3#p3 <p>Тааак, чисто для статистики...</p> <p>Предлагаю ответить на некоторые вопросики:</p> <p>1. Сколько вам лет?<br />2. Как долго вы увлекаетесь аниме?<br />3. Назовите минимум три причины, почему вам нравится аниме(принимаются только объективные факты)?<br />4. ...ну и какое ваше любимое аниме/манга?^^</p> <p>спасибо за внимание)</p> mybb@mybb.ru (HaRuko saN) Mon, 29 Jun 2009 13:38:39 +0400 http://haruharaharuko.afbb.ru/viewtopic.php?pid=3#p3 http://haruharaharuko.afbb.ru/viewtopic.php?pid=2#p2 <p>Ммм...дааа... и ни фига тут ничего не понятно*_*</p> mybb@mybb.ru (HaRuko saN) Mon, 29 Jun 2009 13:33:53 +0400 http://haruharaharuko.afbb.ru/viewtopic.php?pid=2#p2